In the year of 2017 there was a blog which did not yet reach its former lofty heights of reaching more than 55 people, this is that blog. My quest is to gain readership and then slowly filter crap into your minds via clever suggestion and mention of monkeys.
When being a standup was not going to become a reality something in my head said, "yeah, schoolteacher man! Be a teacher captive audience to try jokes on". Based on 13 years of classroom experience I shall now use my best received jokes: penis.......poo.........Uranus........(student) have you got the sheet and I'm not doing a South American accent. There you go, proof of why I'm not a comic.
Being that the laptop is down to 2% I thought I should give a big shout to the wonderful people from today. The Science Alive crew and all who came and helped out and made the day memorable, Lee, Mat, Jason. Also a big thank you to my wife, whom I abandoned today to go play robots.
Now for some sleep.
I.M
Sunday, 22 October 2017
Sunday, 15 October 2017
Moody Me
There a post not beginning with "I".
I have been to see a counsellor, is it counsellor or councillor? Sorry had to go and take the nose vacuum off the stove as it was about to boil over. Someone please make voice recognition software so that my hands don't have to keep up with my brain!
Anyway it was the one that doesn't care about property values (unless they are deeply concerned that they bought a house just before the GFC like I did) and she has put me onto a service called "Moodgym" you can google it if you'd like, no Im not giving my permission, simply stating the fact.
The online assessments of my mood started out quite well but as I suspect they were beginning to trend toward aspects of my personality which I am not really concerned with; they became irrelevant in a short time. Not totally but just to one side or another on certain issues: an example, imagine a Likert Scale (take that Kari Dunn Buron) I sincerely hope you've been threatened with legal action for copyright of a tool in the public domain like I was, but I digress..
So an attitude scale with statements and some Agree to Disagree options.
Statement: If I do not have nice things I will consider myself a failure... Well I had to disagree but if the statement were "I am undeserving of nice things" or "I feel guilty for having nice things" then I'd have wholeheartedly agreed. So it'll be interesting to see how this thing works out. I was asked to write down my "stressors" but Im not very good with lists and I tend to lose them although the note for the benchtop dimensions in the kitchen is still synched to my phone (three generations later).
Maybe next test I'll need to write the alternative questions and then I can take the "anti-test"?
This stream of garbage has been inspired by Eddie Izzard. His voice is currently providing narration in my head.
Oh that was the other thing. Voices in heads.
I don't "hear voices" as in James Mason (or Eddie Izzard doing an impersonation of him) isn't audibly telling me to "go an buy all the finger buns at the bakery". But I do have an internal voice (some may say soul, spirit, conscience but I don't use such terms as I feel they may convince people that I believe in things which aren't) maybe internal narration is better or internal narration of low resonance thought (sounds like a thing). Anyway; at particularly low points in the year which strike at times of "stress" I do have this non auditory internal narration (some might say thought) which doesn't say to do things or people would be better off if..... but that I am the worst person in the world. If you read back to the end of 2015 you will find a very similar thread. I know they are irrational and non factual but there they are. I am working on ways of living with them like a housemate who walks around naked and cooks strange smelling food and doesn't wash dishes.
I.M
I have been to see a counsellor, is it counsellor or councillor? Sorry had to go and take the nose vacuum off the stove as it was about to boil over. Someone please make voice recognition software so that my hands don't have to keep up with my brain!
Anyway it was the one that doesn't care about property values (unless they are deeply concerned that they bought a house just before the GFC like I did) and she has put me onto a service called "Moodgym" you can google it if you'd like, no Im not giving my permission, simply stating the fact.
The online assessments of my mood started out quite well but as I suspect they were beginning to trend toward aspects of my personality which I am not really concerned with; they became irrelevant in a short time. Not totally but just to one side or another on certain issues: an example, imagine a Likert Scale (take that Kari Dunn Buron) I sincerely hope you've been threatened with legal action for copyright of a tool in the public domain like I was, but I digress..
So an attitude scale with statements and some Agree to Disagree options.
Statement: If I do not have nice things I will consider myself a failure... Well I had to disagree but if the statement were "I am undeserving of nice things" or "I feel guilty for having nice things" then I'd have wholeheartedly agreed. So it'll be interesting to see how this thing works out. I was asked to write down my "stressors" but Im not very good with lists and I tend to lose them although the note for the benchtop dimensions in the kitchen is still synched to my phone (three generations later).
Maybe next test I'll need to write the alternative questions and then I can take the "anti-test"?
This stream of garbage has been inspired by Eddie Izzard. His voice is currently providing narration in my head.
Oh that was the other thing. Voices in heads.
I don't "hear voices" as in James Mason (or Eddie Izzard doing an impersonation of him) isn't audibly telling me to "go an buy all the finger buns at the bakery". But I do have an internal voice (some may say soul, spirit, conscience but I don't use such terms as I feel they may convince people that I believe in things which aren't) maybe internal narration is better or internal narration of low resonance thought (sounds like a thing). Anyway; at particularly low points in the year which strike at times of "stress" I do have this non auditory internal narration (some might say thought) which doesn't say to do things or people would be better off if..... but that I am the worst person in the world. If you read back to the end of 2015 you will find a very similar thread. I know they are irrational and non factual but there they are. I am working on ways of living with them like a housemate who walks around naked and cooks strange smelling food and doesn't wash dishes.
I.M
Thursday, 14 September 2017
Technologically Me
I'm writing this a full 18 hours before I had planned to. As Diamond Dallas Page would say," self high five".
So there was an announcement yesterday about the latest tech from Apple. Two new iPhones, a new Apple Watch and a new, 4K Apple TV. I like all of them for a variety of reasons but in my time since becoming a "switcher" me reasons for liking anything that Apple does just becomes, " because you've been brainwashed and you'd buy a turd if they put their logo on it". Often my response is that I truly believe that Apple would capture the essence of said turd and make the best turd possible. I digress.
The announcement was quite moving. It opens to scenes from the new Apple Park campus built on the site of the former HP factory that Steve Jobs used to work in. The voiceover about people who want to make things that they love from the man himself was telling. I recalled his presentation for the "starship" as he called it back then. He was not long for the world and everyone could see. For anyone that had followed the company, this would be the last piece Steve Jobs' legacy to the company. I did well up because it was moving and joyous to see one final thing, the ultimate "one more thing".
"But why, do you not love your iPhone like you used to?" I hear you ask. It's really simple. I was given an iPhone in 2009 by my (now) wife. It was such a joy and a revelation. I was having some health problems (I don't hide behind thinking in an awkwardly 'Jobsian' way that we shared something in common there) I was able to be connected at a time where I would have been otherwise disconnected. I browsed the web while stuck in the toilet for hours (often overnight) before trying to go to work. I could send pictures, check email and play games to pass the time. I even was allowed to listen to music during a particularly painful medical procedure where an anaesthetic was not an option. To this day, the song I listened to during the main part of the procedure takes me back there, the fear, pain, anger, and the feeling of wanting to give up and then not.
It's 2017 now and this is three iPhones later, what has changed? The nature of my connectedness has. in 2009 I chose to be connected and now in 2017 I love to do things on my phone but I am a parent and want to do other things. My phone routinely buzzes in the early hours of the morning with work related email. I receive app messages from parents out of hours and weekends. I am requested to email people back immediately and am bound to do so because I am connected constantly. The use of my joyous device has been snatched away from me and turned into another productivity tool. That's why I love my iPhone less now. If I were to go and buy another phone, it would be another iPhone, no brainer at all.
I dont want to get into the debate which verges on religious about Google vs Apple as it often boils down to specs and numbers. If I were interested in specs and price tags I'd be an PC owning Android user. I'm not, I gave that up because it made my life needlessly complicated. I like hardware and software that works. Maybe in due course I will put my reasons down in digital ink and then people with a contrary opinion can comment and try to convince me otherwise. Here's my rebuttal, if your life depended on it, do you let cost weigh in on picking a heart surgeon? I'm comfortable with my preference.
https://www.apple.com/apple-events/september-2017/
So there was an announcement yesterday about the latest tech from Apple. Two new iPhones, a new Apple Watch and a new, 4K Apple TV. I like all of them for a variety of reasons but in my time since becoming a "switcher" me reasons for liking anything that Apple does just becomes, " because you've been brainwashed and you'd buy a turd if they put their logo on it". Often my response is that I truly believe that Apple would capture the essence of said turd and make the best turd possible. I digress.
The announcement was quite moving. It opens to scenes from the new Apple Park campus built on the site of the former HP factory that Steve Jobs used to work in. The voiceover about people who want to make things that they love from the man himself was telling. I recalled his presentation for the "starship" as he called it back then. He was not long for the world and everyone could see. For anyone that had followed the company, this would be the last piece Steve Jobs' legacy to the company. I did well up because it was moving and joyous to see one final thing, the ultimate "one more thing".
"But why, do you not love your iPhone like you used to?" I hear you ask. It's really simple. I was given an iPhone in 2009 by my (now) wife. It was such a joy and a revelation. I was having some health problems (I don't hide behind thinking in an awkwardly 'Jobsian' way that we shared something in common there) I was able to be connected at a time where I would have been otherwise disconnected. I browsed the web while stuck in the toilet for hours (often overnight) before trying to go to work. I could send pictures, check email and play games to pass the time. I even was allowed to listen to music during a particularly painful medical procedure where an anaesthetic was not an option. To this day, the song I listened to during the main part of the procedure takes me back there, the fear, pain, anger, and the feeling of wanting to give up and then not.
It's 2017 now and this is three iPhones later, what has changed? The nature of my connectedness has. in 2009 I chose to be connected and now in 2017 I love to do things on my phone but I am a parent and want to do other things. My phone routinely buzzes in the early hours of the morning with work related email. I receive app messages from parents out of hours and weekends. I am requested to email people back immediately and am bound to do so because I am connected constantly. The use of my joyous device has been snatched away from me and turned into another productivity tool. That's why I love my iPhone less now. If I were to go and buy another phone, it would be another iPhone, no brainer at all.
I dont want to get into the debate which verges on religious about Google vs Apple as it often boils down to specs and numbers. If I were interested in specs and price tags I'd be an PC owning Android user. I'm not, I gave that up because it made my life needlessly complicated. I like hardware and software that works. Maybe in due course I will put my reasons down in digital ink and then people with a contrary opinion can comment and try to convince me otherwise. Here's my rebuttal, if your life depended on it, do you let cost weigh in on picking a heart surgeon? I'm comfortable with my preference.
https://www.apple.com/apple-events/september-2017/
Wednesday, 5 July 2017
Traumatically Me
Trauma Consistent Behaviour. Sounds imposing doesn't it?
In 2017 it was decided for me that I needed to learn about the above and how it impacts my practices and in turn the outcomes of my students. I shall at no time mention behaviours or students specifically and endeavour to address "challenging behaviours" as just that.
So what do I understand TCB to be (other than sounding like a small accounting firm)? It seems to be any behaviour exhibited by an individual which is consistent with the behaviours of an individual who has suffered a severe trauma. I have engaged with colleagues and family (as hummer is a good defence mechanism) that anytime something is untoward or wrong "it's trauma". Essentially it means damage. Think of ER "car crash victim suffering head and abdominal trauma" damaged head and abdomen.
So why are so many people damaged now compared with before? It's like asking why so many children are being diagnosed as being on the Autism Spectrum or ADHD. There aren't magically lots of kids like this because they've just happened. "But back in my day there was no such thing, it was just naughty kids that needed a smack". Exactly, that's my point, people have been like this for ages, its just now we have clinical terms and a greater understanding of what is going on for them. (And ask any POW if systemic and ongoing abuse didn't help them to two the line better, does it make mistreating children ok suddenly? NO).
So it doesn't mean the classrooms of the world are full of children so terribly traumatised that they cant function without a soft toy and a bottle of Prozac. It means that there are children in classrooms all over the world that exhibit behaviours that are strikingly similar to those of people who have suffered significant trauma in their lifetime. You don't need to have served in Iraq or Afghanistan to have suffered trauma in your life. Think about it and you will probably come up with one time you suffered a trauma in your life: car accident, assault, break in, illness, loss of a loved one, grief at a young age, abandonment (or the feeling of it)? Like any injury its severity can be very individualised and we aren't really able to judge the seriousness of other's compared to our own. That's why things are not as intimidating to some as they are to others.
So what behaviours should I be looking for? It's really irresponsible for me to actually tell anyone what they should look for as a rule because I'd be painting myself as an expert, I am not. If you're interested in getting educated then check out the Australian Childhood Foundation and their SMART training.
http://www.childhood.org.au/for-professionals/smart-online-training
Made by real experts. As with all things, knowledge is power and understanding. Think of how much your life would improve if people were a little more understanding.
I.M
In 2017 it was decided for me that I needed to learn about the above and how it impacts my practices and in turn the outcomes of my students. I shall at no time mention behaviours or students specifically and endeavour to address "challenging behaviours" as just that.
So what do I understand TCB to be (other than sounding like a small accounting firm)? It seems to be any behaviour exhibited by an individual which is consistent with the behaviours of an individual who has suffered a severe trauma. I have engaged with colleagues and family (as hummer is a good defence mechanism) that anytime something is untoward or wrong "it's trauma". Essentially it means damage. Think of ER "car crash victim suffering head and abdominal trauma" damaged head and abdomen.
So why are so many people damaged now compared with before? It's like asking why so many children are being diagnosed as being on the Autism Spectrum or ADHD. There aren't magically lots of kids like this because they've just happened. "But back in my day there was no such thing, it was just naughty kids that needed a smack". Exactly, that's my point, people have been like this for ages, its just now we have clinical terms and a greater understanding of what is going on for them. (And ask any POW if systemic and ongoing abuse didn't help them to two the line better, does it make mistreating children ok suddenly? NO).
So it doesn't mean the classrooms of the world are full of children so terribly traumatised that they cant function without a soft toy and a bottle of Prozac. It means that there are children in classrooms all over the world that exhibit behaviours that are strikingly similar to those of people who have suffered significant trauma in their lifetime. You don't need to have served in Iraq or Afghanistan to have suffered trauma in your life. Think about it and you will probably come up with one time you suffered a trauma in your life: car accident, assault, break in, illness, loss of a loved one, grief at a young age, abandonment (or the feeling of it)? Like any injury its severity can be very individualised and we aren't really able to judge the seriousness of other's compared to our own. That's why things are not as intimidating to some as they are to others.
So what behaviours should I be looking for? It's really irresponsible for me to actually tell anyone what they should look for as a rule because I'd be painting myself as an expert, I am not. If you're interested in getting educated then check out the Australian Childhood Foundation and their SMART training.
http://www.childhood.org.au/for-professionals/smart-online-training
Made by real experts. As with all things, knowledge is power and understanding. Think of how much your life would improve if people were a little more understanding.
I.M
Monday, 17 April 2017
Consciously and Angrily Me
One day I will surprise people by actually retiring from basketball. Today is not that day and again I have paid a few dollars over the registration fee (in a hope that: A, they will like me and find a way to filter some MVP votes my way, or B, that the day I do retire I will just assume ownership of the club having paid for it with the extra funds).
Sad news to hear of anyone whom is diagnosed with a chronic, degenerative or terminal illness. Terry Jones has dementia, but with a difference. His cognitive abilities are less affected adversely but his ability to use language has deteriorated to the point he can no longer speak or write more than a few words. He can understand but not respond. Imagine not being able to tell a dickhead what you think of them.
I hope he had time to get adequately angry in relation to his diagnosis. One of my regrets in regard to my own diagnosis was to try and rush through the seven stages (they're real) in 12 hours to prepare for the follow through of the decision which saved but also drastically altered my life. I wish I'd spent more time at anger.
I was told at 8 o'clock in the morning that surgery was my last option and it had to be done fast, the medications weren't working and I was going to be taken off them. I was sent a counsellor and then my family. I didn't want to be angry at them, they were meant to be there for fear, bargaining, denial and acceptance. Where was I supposed to put my anger? I had 30 minutes between hearing the news and the counsellor arriving. 30 bloody minutes to be angry.
Anyway, please don't neglect your anger. It is an important part of the process and of you making the best of what and who you have. If you go through the stages, be as angry as you can for as long as you can. It's the first time you'll have the justification to be angry.
Sad news to hear of anyone whom is diagnosed with a chronic, degenerative or terminal illness. Terry Jones has dementia, but with a difference. His cognitive abilities are less affected adversely but his ability to use language has deteriorated to the point he can no longer speak or write more than a few words. He can understand but not respond. Imagine not being able to tell a dickhead what you think of them.
I hope he had time to get adequately angry in relation to his diagnosis. One of my regrets in regard to my own diagnosis was to try and rush through the seven stages (they're real) in 12 hours to prepare for the follow through of the decision which saved but also drastically altered my life. I wish I'd spent more time at anger.
I was told at 8 o'clock in the morning that surgery was my last option and it had to be done fast, the medications weren't working and I was going to be taken off them. I was sent a counsellor and then my family. I didn't want to be angry at them, they were meant to be there for fear, bargaining, denial and acceptance. Where was I supposed to put my anger? I had 30 minutes between hearing the news and the counsellor arriving. 30 bloody minutes to be angry.
Anyway, please don't neglect your anger. It is an important part of the process and of you making the best of what and who you have. If you go through the stages, be as angry as you can for as long as you can. It's the first time you'll have the justification to be angry.
Wednesday, 15 March 2017
Reflectable Me
I moved to Adelaide and lived at Aquinas College. I lost loads of weight despite drinking (there were other factors) and to overcome or avoid socially awkward interactions I lifted weights and shot hoops whenever I wasn't asleep or in class. I didn't make the college roster for the Hightable Cup and I was so incensed that I took the list off the pinboard and used it as toilet paper. My second year in Adelaide I'd gotten into reasonable shape that I got an invite from someone that on the court I'd always looked up to. I joined a team called the X Ys and played in a stadium in the eastern burbs.
It rekindled my love and addiction to playing (I had developed a decent shot in my off season's workouts and could comfortably contribute 5-10 points per game which is handy when the team scores 30 or so.
I left Aquinas after my second year of not making them team and the second year of wiping my ass with the team list (there was a further controversy that I wont go into). My free ride with the XYs had evaporated as the person who asked if I'd like a game had left town. I moved to Flinders as I was studying there and really threw myself at the court to try and make connections with people. I didn't go through the "fresher" stuff again because I was two years removed from the hazing stage and people just thought I was coping really well with the booze (little did they know).
I made the inter college team every year (we were terrible) I got to play against Aquinas and it was great to hear some old friends from out north cheering when I scored against the Aquinian defense and shouting my name. I also had access to an indoor gym and a court that could be used up to 10pm. I made some friends playing and had a few games on the back court which I will fondly remember.
Joining the Flinders Uni Phantoms in a social capacity at first, I began going to the en masse Sunday training sessions from 10am-1pm. They were brutal and I ran until I threw up regularly. Some players were invited to join the main group scrimmages and to my shock I wasn't sent to the sides to shoot with the social guys, I was given a purple jersey and had to mix it up against the "real players". It seemed at the time to be the first acknowledgement that I had any form of ability on a basketball court.
The weekly schedule was :
Monday- Flinders social - Marion
Tuesday- District Div 3 (all over Adelaide to feel like a pro) weight session at 2pm
Wednesday-Social Noarlunga
Thursday - Div 3 Training Sturt Campus 2 hours
Friday - Drinking and Pizza
Saturday - Sleep and Study
Sunday - Combined Training 3 hours
I could add if it were a school holiday that I'd occasionally wind up back in Whyalla playing for a local team as a player who was probably on night shift and unable to play (I played under a few names).
Upon my return home I took the first offer to play and it was from a rival team that gave me a chance (again not through ability but circumstance). It was odd, I wasn't good enough to play for a team that my friends played on but in Adelaide I was playing 3 games per week. I was in the best shape of my life and at the peak of my abilities. I was also at the point where I'd realised and accepted that I would never be "the guy" on any team. Oddly enough, as a role player my team beat the one I wasn't god enough to play for in the grand final to add my first piece of senior basketball silverware.
Winning is one thing and being a part of a team is another and those things don't necessarily go hand in hand. I switched teams and played for a club I'd always wanted to play for, with some people that I'd wanted to play with. It was a very rude awakening to find out that just because you might have been a handy player once, if you're on a terrible team with no chemistry, you will have a rough season.
2009-2010 I was forced out becuase I couldn't play with an ileostomy appliance for insurance reasons. Part of the reason my shooting shirt says NOCOLONSTILLBALLIN.
The desire to play has never left completely but I'm finding myself not moving planets into alignment to be able to play like I used to. The current team is a great bunch of blokes and each season I wonder if I should call my time to an end. We have a final (tonight now) and if the result doesn't go the right way I'll be having that awkward time around my birthday to think about what I should do.
Will the guys tell me that they'd like me they'd like to bring in someone else?
"We cant play with 9 that's too many" sort of deal.
We seem to be in a phase of "who's up to go around again?" The addict in me will always say yes to such things.
I.M
Friday, 3 March 2017
Lamentable Me
Good morning, its bloody early. I'm up as my son's compass is buggered and its better for my back. We're off away to the big smoke after a long week. Union conference, catch up with family and squeezing in as much as possible to get home and do it all again.
This week was unbelievably hard for me. I know that because I caught myself saying "I miss drinking". I don't think I ever had a booze problem, on the contrary, I was quite good at it. So what was it exactly that I missed? Don't I have other things to give my oodles of free time to? Of course, in fact I have too many of those things.
Basketball; I loved it when I first started playing it and I wish after all this time I was better. The biggest compliment I have had in my playing life is instead of teammates telling me all the things I'm doing wrong is that they're pleading with me to back myself and trust what I can do. Dalek building and general pottering in the shed. There are many projects ahead and the eventual YouTube channel I've often threatened to start. Family of course, playing with child, cuddling wife and walking the poodle. More work; the drug of choice for many who are addicted to workahol. The trouble with them is that they can't relate to those of us who aren't addicted ourselves.
All of the above could be taking up my time but there's something in common with all of those that booze doesn't carry, which made it seem awfully appealing yesterday afternoon. Caring. All of those things, sport, hobbies, family, they all involve a level of giving a toss. After the week I had (acknowledging that I'm a whiner) the idea of doing something that involved not caring seemed very appealing.
Teaching is an emotionally taxing profession. I loved the line from Jerry Maguire and quote it often in relation to teaching when I say, "it's an up-at-dawn, pride swallowing siege that I can never fully tell you about". I don't hate teaching but the idea of having a break from the mental fatigue that comes with the job is looking better every day. I don't quite have enough leave as I've cashed in long service twice. Once for a new hot water service and once to buy Mum a car. It's now getting harder to comprehend feeling this way consistently for the next three years for leave to accumulate and for our son to be old enough to travel anywhere significant.
All jobs that people care about are draining. Some call it challenging or stimulating, essentially they provide enough of a problem to make it interesting enough to not drive into the oncoming lane off traffic on a Monday morning. I've learned that you cant be precious about your work (the planning) kids are allowed to dislike it. What drains me is the days where the teaching hat is not worn at all because other hats are demanded by circumstance, first aid, correctional officer, cleaner, therapist, motivational speaker, IT technician and after all those hats have been worn and you're ready to get back to work the bell rings. When someone says "I don't care about this job" I think people should interpret "I care deeply, I'm tired and I need someone to take over". People might be thinking this is a cry for help from me and it isn't. An educational facility's answer to my situation is to provide me with meetings with leaders who can give me strategies......more work, more caring. This does not ease the burden for the humble chalkie.
So I'm taking this mini break to get away, attend a union conference and spend some time with my father and my wife's family too. I dare say a trip or two to a hardware store to stock up on dalek building tools/ materials might be in order too. I won't go back to booze, but I think I can lament the abrupt end of our relationship. It was nice to do something and not care.
I.M
This week was unbelievably hard for me. I know that because I caught myself saying "I miss drinking". I don't think I ever had a booze problem, on the contrary, I was quite good at it. So what was it exactly that I missed? Don't I have other things to give my oodles of free time to? Of course, in fact I have too many of those things.
Basketball; I loved it when I first started playing it and I wish after all this time I was better. The biggest compliment I have had in my playing life is instead of teammates telling me all the things I'm doing wrong is that they're pleading with me to back myself and trust what I can do. Dalek building and general pottering in the shed. There are many projects ahead and the eventual YouTube channel I've often threatened to start. Family of course, playing with child, cuddling wife and walking the poodle. More work; the drug of choice for many who are addicted to workahol. The trouble with them is that they can't relate to those of us who aren't addicted ourselves.
All of the above could be taking up my time but there's something in common with all of those that booze doesn't carry, which made it seem awfully appealing yesterday afternoon. Caring. All of those things, sport, hobbies, family, they all involve a level of giving a toss. After the week I had (acknowledging that I'm a whiner) the idea of doing something that involved not caring seemed very appealing.
Teaching is an emotionally taxing profession. I loved the line from Jerry Maguire and quote it often in relation to teaching when I say, "it's an up-at-dawn, pride swallowing siege that I can never fully tell you about". I don't hate teaching but the idea of having a break from the mental fatigue that comes with the job is looking better every day. I don't quite have enough leave as I've cashed in long service twice. Once for a new hot water service and once to buy Mum a car. It's now getting harder to comprehend feeling this way consistently for the next three years for leave to accumulate and for our son to be old enough to travel anywhere significant.
All jobs that people care about are draining. Some call it challenging or stimulating, essentially they provide enough of a problem to make it interesting enough to not drive into the oncoming lane off traffic on a Monday morning. I've learned that you cant be precious about your work (the planning) kids are allowed to dislike it. What drains me is the days where the teaching hat is not worn at all because other hats are demanded by circumstance, first aid, correctional officer, cleaner, therapist, motivational speaker, IT technician and after all those hats have been worn and you're ready to get back to work the bell rings. When someone says "I don't care about this job" I think people should interpret "I care deeply, I'm tired and I need someone to take over". People might be thinking this is a cry for help from me and it isn't. An educational facility's answer to my situation is to provide me with meetings with leaders who can give me strategies......more work, more caring. This does not ease the burden for the humble chalkie.
So I'm taking this mini break to get away, attend a union conference and spend some time with my father and my wife's family too. I dare say a trip or two to a hardware store to stock up on dalek building tools/ materials might be in order too. I won't go back to booze, but I think I can lament the abrupt end of our relationship. It was nice to do something and not care.
I.M
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