Good morning, its bloody early. I'm up as my son's compass is buggered and its better for my back. We're off away to the big smoke after a long week. Union conference, catch up with family and squeezing in as much as possible to get home and do it all again.
This week was unbelievably hard for me. I know that because I caught myself saying "I miss drinking". I don't think I ever had a booze problem, on the contrary, I was quite good at it. So what was it exactly that I missed? Don't I have other things to give my oodles of free time to? Of course, in fact I have too many of those things.
Basketball; I loved it when I first started playing it and I wish after all this time I was better. The biggest compliment I have had in my playing life is instead of teammates telling me all the things I'm doing wrong is that they're pleading with me to back myself and trust what I can do. Dalek building and general pottering in the shed. There are many projects ahead and the eventual YouTube channel I've often threatened to start. Family of course, playing with child, cuddling wife and walking the poodle. More work; the drug of choice for many who are addicted to workahol. The trouble with them is that they can't relate to those of us who aren't addicted ourselves.
All of the above could be taking up my time but there's something in common with all of those that booze doesn't carry, which made it seem awfully appealing yesterday afternoon. Caring. All of those things, sport, hobbies, family, they all involve a level of giving a toss. After the week I had (acknowledging that I'm a whiner) the idea of doing something that involved not caring seemed very appealing.
Teaching is an emotionally taxing profession. I loved the line from Jerry Maguire and quote it often in relation to teaching when I say, "it's an up-at-dawn, pride swallowing siege that I can never fully tell you about". I don't hate teaching but the idea of having a break from the mental fatigue that comes with the job is looking better every day. I don't quite have enough leave as I've cashed in long service twice. Once for a new hot water service and once to buy Mum a car. It's now getting harder to comprehend feeling this way consistently for the next three years for leave to accumulate and for our son to be old enough to travel anywhere significant.
All jobs that people care about are draining. Some call it challenging or stimulating, essentially they provide enough of a problem to make it interesting enough to not drive into the oncoming lane off traffic on a Monday morning. I've learned that you cant be precious about your work (the planning) kids are allowed to dislike it. What drains me is the days where the teaching hat is not worn at all because other hats are demanded by circumstance, first aid, correctional officer, cleaner, therapist, motivational speaker, IT technician and after all those hats have been worn and you're ready to get back to work the bell rings. When someone says "I don't care about this job" I think people should interpret "I care deeply, I'm tired and I need someone to take over". People might be thinking this is a cry for help from me and it isn't. An educational facility's answer to my situation is to provide me with meetings with leaders who can give me strategies......more work, more caring. This does not ease the burden for the humble chalkie.
So I'm taking this mini break to get away, attend a union conference and spend some time with my father and my wife's family too. I dare say a trip or two to a hardware store to stock up on dalek building tools/ materials might be in order too. I won't go back to booze, but I think I can lament the abrupt end of our relationship. It was nice to do something and not care.
I.M
No comments:
Post a Comment