Regressive Me

This down has lasted longer than normal. I believe some life circumstances intervened to bring me back down while I was travelling in the other direction. My plans for next year are in utter disarray. I feel like time is running out to make decisions and I can’t win with any decision I’d make now. I’m surrounded by well meaning people trying to make me happy while my finger hovers over the reset button of my life. Just change everything, throw all that makes you comfortable and individual out and start again with something more palatable to others. 

I caught myself suggesting I sell or part exchange my dream car (partly because it’s plenty of work and partly because my plans to buy a van were scuttled by: surprising news and a subsequent case of fear from the “what if’s”. 

I’m not in a talking mood. At work I put on my bravest face but I have no energy to maintain this at home. Breathing and talking is a chore and I think I’ll have an aneurism if someone else tells me “you know you mean a lot....” or trues to hug me. 

Trouble sleeping so medication to the rescue. I’m waking up feeling hung over and nauseated but getting up is still a chore. I’m not sure if it’s a combo of the depression and meds and lack of sleep but I’m forgetting things, lunch, keys, drink bottle, wallet etc every day. 

Truly tiring.