Reflectable Me

Basketball has been a love of mine for a long time in my life.  I've been playing whenever I have been physically able to since 1987.  I can think of two "hiatuses" from the game in my lifetime. 1997-2000 in the midst of my parents separation I found myself without a team at 14-15 years old that wanted me on their team.  Nobody could blame them, slow, fat and unfit (I'm still two of those but can now add old to the mix).  I remember asking my mum to phone a friend of my brother to ask if he would give me a spot on his men's C grade team.  Bad move, he agreed and the team never went ahead.  I never knew if I was the reason. I still played at the gym, at school and parks etc but not in the local league.

I moved to Adelaide and lived at Aquinas College.  I lost loads of weight despite drinking (there were other factors) and to overcome or avoid socially awkward interactions I lifted weights and shot hoops whenever I wasn't asleep or in class.  I didn't make the college roster for the Hightable Cup and I was so incensed that I took the list off the pinboard and used it as toilet paper.  My second year in Adelaide I'd gotten into reasonable shape that I got an invite from someone that on the court I'd always looked up to.  I joined a team called the X Ys and played in a stadium in the eastern burbs.
It rekindled my love and addiction to playing (I had developed a decent shot in my off season's workouts and could comfortably contribute 5-10 points per game which is handy when the team scores 30 or so.

I left Aquinas after my second year of not making them team and the second year of wiping my ass with the team list (there was a further controversy that I wont go into).  My free ride with the XYs had evaporated as the person who asked if I'd like a game had left town.  I moved to Flinders as I was studying there and really threw myself at the court to try and make connections with people.  I didn't go through the "fresher" stuff again because I was two years removed from the hazing stage and people just thought I was coping really well with the booze (little did they know).

I made the inter college team every year (we were terrible) I got to play against Aquinas and it was great to hear some old friends from out north cheering when I scored against the Aquinian defense and shouting my name.  I also had access to an indoor gym and a court that could be used up to 10pm.  I made some friends playing and had a few games on the back court which I will fondly remember.

Joining the Flinders Uni Phantoms in a social capacity at first, I began going to the en masse Sunday training sessions from 10am-1pm.  They were brutal and I ran until I threw up regularly. Some players were invited to join the main group scrimmages and to my shock I wasn't sent to the sides to shoot with the social guys, I was given a purple jersey and had to mix it up against the "real players". It seemed at the time to be the first acknowledgement that I had any form of ability on a basketball court.

The weekly schedule was :
Monday- Flinders social - Marion
Tuesday- District Div 3 (all over Adelaide to feel like a pro) weight session at 2pm
Wednesday-Social Noarlunga
Thursday - Div 3 Training Sturt Campus 2 hours
Friday - Drinking and Pizza
Saturday - Sleep and Study
Sunday - Combined Training 3 hours

I could add if it were a school holiday that I'd occasionally wind up back in Whyalla playing for a local team as a player who was probably on night shift and unable to play (I played under a few names).

Upon my return home I took the first offer to play and it was from a rival team that gave me a chance (again not through ability but circumstance).  It was odd, I wasn't good enough to play for a team that my friends played on but in Adelaide I was playing 3 games per week.  I was in the best shape of my life and at the peak of my abilities.  I was also at the point where I'd realised and accepted that I would never be "the guy" on any team.  Oddly enough, as a role player my team beat the one I wasn't god enough to play for in the grand final to add my first piece of senior basketball silverware.

Winning is one thing and being a part of a team is another and those things don't necessarily go hand in hand.  I switched teams and played for a club I'd always wanted to play for, with some people that I'd wanted to play with.  It was a very rude awakening to find out that just because you might have been a handy player once, if you're on a terrible team with no chemistry, you will have a rough season.

2009-2010 I was forced out becuase I couldn't play with an ileostomy appliance for insurance reasons.  Part of the reason my shooting shirt says NOCOLONSTILLBALLIN.

The desire to play has never left completely but I'm finding myself not moving planets into alignment to be able to play like I used to.  The current team is a great bunch of blokes and each season I wonder if I should call my time to an end.  We have a final (tonight now) and if the result doesn't go the right way I'll be having that awkward time around my birthday to think about what I should do.

Will the guys tell me that they'd like me they'd like to bring in someone else?
"We cant play with 9 that's too many" sort of deal.
We seem to be in a phase of "who's up to go around again?" The addict in me will always say yes to such things.

I.M

Lamentable Me

Good morning, its bloody early.  I'm up as my son's compass is buggered and its better for my back.  We're off away to the big smoke after a long week.  Union conference, catch up with family and squeezing in as much as possible to get home and do it all again.

This week was unbelievably hard for me.  I know that because I caught myself saying "I miss drinking".  I don't think I ever had a booze problem, on the contrary, I was quite good at it.  So what was it exactly that I missed? Don't I have other things to give my oodles of free time to? Of course, in fact I have too many of those things.

Basketball; I loved it when I first started playing it and I wish after all this time I was better.  The biggest compliment I have had in my playing life is instead of teammates telling me all the things I'm doing wrong is that they're pleading with me to back myself and trust what I can do.  Dalek building and general pottering in the shed.  There are many projects ahead and the eventual YouTube channel I've often threatened to start.  Family of course, playing with child, cuddling wife and walking the poodle. More work; the drug of choice for many who are addicted to workahol.  The trouble with them is that they can't relate to those of us who aren't addicted ourselves.

All of the above could be taking up my time but there's something in common with all of those that booze doesn't carry, which made it seem awfully appealing yesterday afternoon. Caring.  All of those things, sport, hobbies, family, they all involve a level of giving a toss.  After the week I had (acknowledging that I'm a whiner) the idea of doing something that involved not caring seemed very appealing.

Teaching is an emotionally taxing profession.  I loved the line from Jerry Maguire and quote it often in relation to teaching when I say, "it's an up-at-dawn, pride swallowing siege that I can never fully tell you about".  I don't hate teaching but the idea of having a break from the mental fatigue that comes with the job is looking better every day.  I don't quite have enough leave as I've cashed in long service twice.  Once for a new hot water service and once to buy Mum a car.  It's now getting harder to comprehend feeling this way consistently for the next three years for leave to accumulate and for our son to be old enough to travel anywhere significant.

All jobs that people care about are draining.  Some call it challenging or stimulating, essentially they provide enough of a problem to make it interesting enough to not drive into the oncoming lane off traffic on a Monday morning.  I've learned that you cant be precious about your work (the planning) kids are allowed to dislike it.  What drains me is the days where the teaching hat is not worn at all because other hats are demanded by circumstance, first aid, correctional officer, cleaner, therapist, motivational speaker, IT technician and after all those hats have been worn and you're ready to get back to work the bell rings.  When someone says "I don't care about this job" I think people should interpret "I care deeply, I'm tired and I need someone to take over".  People might be thinking this is a cry for help from me and it isn't.  An educational facility's answer to my situation is to provide me with meetings with leaders who can give me strategies......more work, more caring.  This does not ease the burden for the humble chalkie.

So I'm taking this mini break to get away, attend a union conference and spend some time with my father and my wife's family too.  I dare say a trip or two to a hardware store to stock up on dalek building tools/ materials might be in order too.  I won't go back to booze, but I think I can lament the abrupt end of our relationship.  It was nice to do something and not care.

I.M